so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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