wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
