i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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