i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
