i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
