capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
