k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
