apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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