I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
