That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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