Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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