He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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