Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
