I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
