You smell like a Billy Joel song
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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