Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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