it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
