one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
