their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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