I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
