I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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