It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
