wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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