you will always have a special place in my vag
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
