Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
