I am puke
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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