I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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