i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
