Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
