Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize