It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
