he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Randomize
