On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it hurts more in the daytime
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
