I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
