i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
