i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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