you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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