Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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