8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
