if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
