Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
