It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
