I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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