we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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