chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
