I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
