Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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