he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
