The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
