A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
