ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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