before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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