youre lurking in front of me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
