The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
