Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
