So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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