I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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