so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
