I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize