I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
