Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
