My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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