she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
