Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
