alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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