i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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