It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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