Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize