If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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