Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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