between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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