Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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